Tuesday, March 13, 2007



(As I wrote down my version of how it all began… the cosmos, the stars, this planet and the absolute truth,I found myself wishing that I could make the beginning into something tragic, or beautiful or even tragically beautiful… and yet something I myself can believe in. Thus, I meandered into this gray, ether-like, space between.)
A form.
A lifeless wind blanketing a snow globe.
Since times unknown this snow globe had held inside it everything that Pandora’s Box hadn’t. In its cocoon like state, it held countless, infinitesimally small, fetal souls and shattered glass flakes of joyous fluttering wings. Since even before time ever existed, these souls had multiplied and grown… waiting to burst through the permeable shield of the snow globe to scatter themselves around the vast dark space that spread out to meet infinity. The only thing that came in the way was the heated wind that had unfurled its fury around this orgy of life.
And hence the darkness prevailed, till at one waking moment a surge of rebellion sparked within these souls.
Eye for eye and tooth for tooth.
The brutal wisps of wind.
The angered souls.
The clash of their armies left the empty spaces in a state of chaos and interminable torque.
The dust rose and blocked out all senses. The battle went on for far too long. Each soul dead and every wisp destroyed were bound together high in the sky.
These burning crystals were doomed to adorn the infinite Eden of dark, tempting each to caress these stars.
The wars were brought to a sudden halt, when a deal was struck by the wiser ones.
“Fuck the war, it takes too much. The easier path, it seems, is to divide what survives and go our own ways to inhabit the skies. The souls shall make the land, life, the creator and the inquisitor. The winds can make the heavens, hell, the destroyer and shall hold the answers.”
And thus the souls and winds, all at peace, formed the planets, the oceans, the suns and moons. The younger ones burnt across the sky leaping and racing… being the cold fire in the comets.
The universe thus answered to the creator and the destroyer alike, the winds blew on and the souls flowered.
The fortress that sheltered the three wise “men” was named the sun and the moon watched over it while they were deep in slumber.
The days went on… the mysteries deepened and the truth was lost somewhere in pearl drops shining of lies and madness.
It is said that only when one can find peace in the present insanity and chaos can one stumble over the true beginning and the absolute truth.
Till then you have my word and my word only for all this.
Worship it and gulp it down.
Let MY words guide your sole chance to create, discover and mould your own self.
A new chapter
Now let us drown ourselves in our pensiveness and turn over the brittle sheaves of paper filled in this book of memories. The words might have faded… but even that fails to hide what I have seen… and what you wish you had.
On a dark clear night where every gravestone shone like a burning crystal (of course these gravestones are often referred to as stars) and Silence sounded sonorously in every non-existent corner of the vast expanse of meaningless floating forms, I watched helplessly as Time unfolded its unseen blanket of Chaos and Misery on this dormant Universe.
And just like that, on a tiny orphan of a planet called earth, was Plato.
Yes, he just… was.
Like the empty nothingness that haunted the universe… like the snow globe and the wind… and a floating thought in our minds.
Plato just was.
Unperturbed at his own sudden existence, he sat and listened to the strains of melodies that would float in and out of his head.
I suppose he was always in love.
His mistress, more beautiful than the nymphs flitting between the trees and more alluring than the sirens, who wove their charm in the seas.
In his everlong wait for her to be his, he paced and he fumed and he cursed each day.
No… I must be mistaken, as it wasn’t just love. It was a maddening madness.
In his frenzy he would hope and wait for her to take shape.
To make sense.
To elope with his brilliant mind.
She was all he needed and all that his whimsical mind had ever wanted.
But I digress.
This is not what I had wanted to share.
Once, as he slept tossing and turning, livid with frustration, a Nightmare sank her claws into his restless mind. In his feverish flight with this illustrious creature he encountered a strange and disturbing sight.
It seemed to be his very own land… inhabited by creatures a lot like him. What was strange was that his land was burning… a shade of white hot red and the trees were aglow with a bluish flame.
The people ran in panic, astray, screaming and cackling in their mad mad state of mind … running from the thousands of buzzing hornets chasing around their heads.
A piercing scream then awoke him from his sleep… and he fell crashing back into reality.
He lay still… eyes closed… listening to his heart beat and waiting for it to slow down as his ears were greeted by a chirruping silence.
It was then that he and his obsession consummated their bizarre relationship.
I watched over it as he wrote the first words down on the bark of a tree…
“Tatters of paper floats
tip into tiny shards of ether soul,
viscous nights of timeless smiles,
and tears on blades of grass,
I’m in a garden,
full of flower coloured people;
with pollen hidden minds.”
As the sentences grew longer and longer… and as the worlds in the words more elaborate… he created, unknowingly a whole new world between the oceans. It rose from the fathoms like a giant grey beast and lurked in the over hanging mists.
Atlantis. Atlantis. Atlantis.
This heart of the devil’s sea.
Blessed but forsaken… it stood on its own … this giant fertile island.
Naïve but strong, the Atlanteans worked hard in the nakedness of the sun. The tribe it grew and its kings came and went… and they still went on slaving to the whims of honesty and honour.
To the more sensible these burdens seemed to weigh far too much. Greed and the need for power spread like an epidemic across this island… and the people clung to their greens with a sense of madness in their eyes.
Hidden in their caves … afraid of light… of their own reflections… afraid of the truth…they would tear apart their own kin if need be.
Their juvenile ways blinded them even to the dark gray water laden clouds that gathered steadily overhead. For days together they saw no light… and this dark hour their menace grew even darker.
Many escaped the island’s hold and swam far away… carried by the tempest waves they had thrown across the seven seas.
The rest, too lost in their delusional fits of rage, remained oblivious to the uproar of the blowing winds.
Far far away from the madding crowd I perched on a tree and I caught a glimpse of a tear drop shine down his weary cheek as we both watched his imaginary island being swallowed by giant blue of the formless sea.
Sighing loudly he turned away… bent over the bark of the tree with his scraping… loving… creating… and destroying.
Beg for Absolution
Sometimes the earth is flat.
The torrents that carried us from Atlantis, kept afloat our panic and screams along with our drenched bodies… only to throw us over the edge.
Throws us into a diorama… of everything
They were made slaves…. Or so the story goes. A crimson sun lit the gallows where consequence awaited anyone who dared to run.
They were slaves to stone king… to his people… to his ridiculous fantasies.
I believe that when the worst came, they were slaves to their own mind and fears.
“So naïve… so WEAK, these humans. But only flesh and blood, made for the sole purpose of being decayed to nothing…. That’s where they came from… nothing… NOTHING”, a whisper reeked contempt in the silent hall of His Majesty’s abode… King Sarmēh had spoken.
In his palm, burned a crystal ball… the delicate quartz held in his stone carved hands… and in his “obesely” solid body he held enough power to call upon Armageddon itself.
Kahñer breathed heavily, the rhythmic sound interluding the silence that hung over them, waiting to burst and drench them in its sweet sour rains of a mundane exchange of angst and bitter words.
“And yet Kahñer… my own loyal servant… mocks my epoch power by SAVING A HUMAN SLAVE… SLAYING HIS OWN BROTHER… HIS OWN BLOOD… FOR… for… what? I fail to understand, Kahñer… speak… SPEAK. Speak of the reason for this betrayal Kahñer… speak so I can forgive… speak of your regret… and the moment of insanity… might be forgiven….” Sarmēh quivering body regurgitated his grains of thoughts which so far hid in the fatty folds of his humungous body. With effort he stood… staring… towering… glowering… over Kahñer.
An eternity seemed to pass as a grating voice emerged from the mouth of the warrior… “King…
I am Kahñer… and I was born from your own sculpt and if I were insane… even your mighty powers couldn’t match my strength. I have found a grain of sanity somewhere in this bed of razors… and I will watch as my hand shall crush this kingdom to a vast stony cemetery. So aye, if I slay my own brother… I do it to protect the right… the true and the sane. It saddens me… but I do not regret doing what I did... and for being what I am… A saviour… a warrior... I beg though, for peace… leave those people be. Return them to their own lands. I beg for their absolution…”
Blasphemy? Is that the stench that fumes every sense in you?
You are blinded Kahñer …by your own arrogance… you forget where your power comes from. You shall sing the sorrowful melodies of pain and repentance, Kahñer…yes, you were born a saviour… but the question is, who will you save Kahñer… yourself? Or the fleshy obscenities that plague our land? Whose SAVIOUR will you be, Kahñer? Run away… run away and save your stony stature self and your absolution shall come of its own accord…..RUN.
The king watched as the warrior turned away… and walked towards the moat that lay outside… “To run would be to admit to my actions being in the wrong… but nay… I am right Sarmēh… you shall not be my arbitrator anymore….”
Abate Kahñer, as we need you.
Save yourself Kahñer as we need you to save us.
As the pain does not grow weaker… and the numbness that had set in fades away into the bleeding souls that reside in this abode. Save yourself Kahñer… as we need you to save us.

Kahñer’s own…
We go to war.
This delusional paradise is home no longer… the battle hasn’t even begun and yet the fields lie still and silent like a graveyard.
This is all unreal… how DID it all begin?
Maybe when I saw the red smear on the lithe hands of the child.
Or the girl who burned naked on the sheer fire of hate of my own son.
Or the aged who died serving to my own splendid glory.
But when, WHEN did I start seeing?
And when did apathy leave my soul?
Maybe she read my fears… maybe she knows I failed.
I failed the ever so sacred vows of not feeling… not caring… not… not…
How could he?? The child was defenseless.
More so, how could I give in to pure naiveté and hide unquestioningly as the devout loyal servant of the King.
Not even I …Kahñer, can undo these sins… sense dawned maybe an eternity too late.
But tomorrow it shall end.
This madness shall seize to exist… and I will slip into my grave… barbarically satisfied.
These blue black sands shall rise in clouds and drown us in THE Zuhlmat, the Darkness.
Fear perched precariously on his double edged sword… glinting a blinding blue gray as he held it up to the sun… breathing… each breath drawing him closer to the last… maybe.
A heavy chant impregnated the fire laden skies… the altos swaying with the sopranos in a mad dance of death.
Kahñer breathed out dread and glanced at his army of fifteen men and four Hengians.
“They need you brothers. I need you. Have you not wronged for long enough? It's not too late to purge yourselves of the sins and crimes… join me in this war brothers, and all will be forgiven…” his words haunted the empty tug inside of him. Where had he led them?
A sudden roar brought him back to the war ground, which had fallen into a deathly silent hollow. A hundred feet away from him loomed a bovine beast of monstrous proportions, adorned with horns that would skewer a mountain itself. Disbelief cut through him as his eyes saw a hundred such beasts appear over the horizon… the King had come prepared.
“This, my friends, is where our lives really begin.”
“This is how it was prophecised, my dear Kahñer…. Just like this.”
Kahñer turned back to look at this strange union of brave men and henges that stood unshaken at the sight of the doom that awaited them. Ŵizerah, Ċharməgh, Heletiąn and Vidέŕat… his four worst enemies, united only under the threat of the very “end”. Ŵizerah spoke again, “It is but a pity that we failed as friends before, Kahñer. I believe however that we all shall get out of this alive and victorious.”
Heletiąn breathed in deep and laughed as he stared at the rising dust on the horizon… “You might have spoken too soon Ŵizerah… we are facing the irked wrath of Chaos herself.”
The fifteen humans stared at Sarmēh’s army closing in on the….
“Kahñer, we’ve lived as cowards for years together… but today we shall prove that our flesh and blood is not out weakness. We will bleed for our freedom… bleed in thanks to you. We might be just twenty… but we shall fight till Eden collapses and takes us in. We shall leave for the same heaven Kahñer… you have already saved us.” Spoke Sauhun, the youngest human boy in the army.
Kahñer smiled.
And just like that, the horn sounded and Kahñer and his small army got swallowed up in Sarmēh’s torrential legionary waves.
Kahñer plunged deep into the ranks with his gold sword and armour. With each blow he brought down a beast, the rider only temporarily indisposed…shocked.
Sarmēh was still out of sight.
The dust had formed a thick fog around them, so Kahñer could hardly see the rest of his comrades. He swung around striking at everything and everyone within his reach.
He had ploughed through only five soldiers when he saw it.
Sauhun’s severed head hanging by his hair… held towards the sky in the hands of Sarmēh. Sarmēh smiled as he cradled the floating crystal ball… as he sat there high on the beast.
Kahñer felt an explosion of loatheful insanity in his head as he screamed and charged towards Sarmēh’s beast, the rest of the world blurred behind the first drops of tears that drowned his eyes… yes, he felt.
Ŵizerah froze for a moment, almost hypnotized by Kahñer’s madness… then drawing a deep breath he leapt back to the throes of his own madness. The war. The long fateful war.
7 men already dead… their heads floating in the tide of Sarmēh’s sorcery. His mind flew back to the time when Kahñer and he had fought over Sahsha… oh wasn’t she beautiful… he had lost and vowed to hate Kahñer come eternity. She had died just an year ago.
No… they had both lost, this would be their only victory… even if they had had to die to achieve it.
He swung his sword to hit the hilt of the hengian sickle and the next blind blow of his brought down another hengian… only a moment later he realised it was his own son he had slayed. He choked back a cry and ran the other way… there were more to be killed… more to be punished.
He had hardly gone five steps when a beast plunged its horns deep into his chest… only to tear him to half and step on his plundered body as it too walked away… to kill a few more… punish a few more.
Kahñer pushed through hengian soldiers to reach Sarmēh’s beast.
He was now the only one left… but he wouldn’t turn to ashes so soon. Mad with rage he climbed up the beast to reach Sarmēh’s thorny fortress.
“It was always just between you and I, Kahñer…. You failed them… you failed yourself. And now you dare to come here to battle with me?... have you no shame? No pride?” guffawed the King still staring at his crystal ball.
“You’re drunk on your own powers, Sarmēh… but you forget that my powers lie not too far behind… I believe we have both been awaiting this moment since forever and now it has come, Sarmēh … what are you going to do?? Destroy your own creation and play God for one more time, Sarmēh…. The humans won't stay still anymore, king…they have awoken to their own strength… you have already lost, destroying me will only irk them even further.”
“Is the SAVIOUR asking to be saved?? Words have lost their meaning, Kahñer… and you’re simply aiding this somber somber loss by spewing out your garble. If you want to save ANYONE… FIGHT me Kahñer… fight your own father. I am fear Kahñer… breathe me in.
Breathe. Me. In.”
Malice smiled across Sarmēh’s face as he stared at Kahñer’s silhouette against the blinding glare of the now visible sun.
Kahñer beheld the sudden quiet that had fallen around them… and beheld the absolute emptiness that met with his eyes. No monsters… no corpses… no trampled grounds, just a clear desert sky swept by winds raising a maelstrom.
“Your face betrays your bewilderment, Kahñer. You go on forgetting that I am but the master of your mind… my whimsical fantasies destroyed your men and you thought you had put up a great FIGHT! A BATTLE?? Twenty soldiers against the imagination of the king… and yet … all you are left with are pulverized memories of your dreams of “independence”…”
A strain of a strange melody drowned the rest of king’s word’s… it took Kahñer a moment to realise that this melody was flowing only in his mind. His breaths came heavily in short spurts of complete confusion. All he could do was drop down to his knees… laughing and screaming helplessly.
“I can still fight you, Sarmēh, I can still fight you. I may not win… but I shall fight you… AAAAAARGH… FIGHT ME SARMĒH! DESTROY ME IF YOU CAN!”
“FOR SHAME! Hah! Stand up then Kahñer… I shall grant you your wish. This duel, however, I assure you… shall be your last.”
With a shudder he stood upright and regained his senses… he wasn’t there when she died… she had called his name… her last breath had whisked along his name… but he wasn’t there. Sarmēh had needed him that night… to celebrate… Him.
He shook away the memories… trying to tear the grasp of Time… why is he troubling him so now?... why remind him of his blunders now?
But Time clung on… wailing at him… LOOK!! Kahñer! LOOK WHAT HE’S DONE TO YOU!
“… what have you done to me, Sarmēh? What have you done to yourself??”
A pale silence invaded the stillness around them… a haunted Kahñer trembled with rage as he stared at Sarmēh, who stood cradling his crystal… smiling… taunting… unfeeling.
He clenched on to this rage and flung himself at Sarmēh… and seized the burning globe… and holding it in his singed palms he screamed and un-sounding scream… and that sudden instant,
Time wailed a banshee cry once again and swirled around them…. Furling and unfurling her gale like wings… plunging them into a graveyard of a past… taking even the all knowing Sarmēh by surprise as she carried them through the ethereal and the unchangeable.
Kahñer stood stunned and silent as he stood in the silent halls of the royal gallows… and the king crouched in a dark corner… whimpering and shivering…. The stench of blood overpowered his own fears.
He watched Sarmēh losing his grasp on his mind and slipping into his, Kahñer’s, maddening memories.
He heard the silent screams that escaped the giant king as he threw himself at the doors… let me out… OUT….out.
Sarmēh fell amongst the carpet of limbs and flesh that he had executed… Kahñer had then played the undertaker.
nother wail… another gust… Kahñer had fallen in love… fought for its keep… and lost it when Sarmēh had her poisoned.
Kahñer struggled to his feet as his watched the king on his knees sobbing… crying for
forgiveness as Sahsha lay retching and dying on her bed… crying for Kahñer.
Sarmēh gasped for breath between his raking sobs… “Forgive me Kahñer… as I have sinned…”
Another flutter of Time’s wings swept them to that fateful day…
Kahñer slayed his own brother… he had loved him as his stone heart would let… and the pain that had bled through him them now sunk her fangs into Sarmēh…
A screeching wind threw them back to the battle ground, with Sarmēh lying prostate on the ground… staring blankly at the sky.
Kahñer stood clutching the crystal ball, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth.
“They said I was the saviour… but no one ever told him whom I was to have saved. It was you, Sarmēh… I had to save you…” With his he loosened his grasp from the crystal ball, watching it fall through the ever thickening fog; and in the blink of an eye a shudder engulfed all that was around me.
Nothingness had once again regained its throne swallowing the hengians and leaving only a graveyard of stones the humans that basked in the dark sunshine in this skeleton of a home that never was.…
I now curl once again in the clear glass globe and all I can see is a fiery red dust swirling and kissing the skin of this cocoon that share with billions of souls like me. Its strange… being in another universe… leaving behind what now seem like surreal memories. But I have not the time to indulge in peeping to the graves of hurtful memories… I have much too much to do… much too much to see… much too much to tell.

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